your thong is hanging out like whoa
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Your vagina felt like having sex with thanksgiving mashed potatoes. The best kind of mashed potatoes
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
