you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Do drug dealers work on Memorial Day?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
