Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
