it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
