So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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