Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Gave him an awesome blow job on his living room couch last night, so at least he'll have something nice to think about next time he's watching the Tigers lose.
He insisted he brought his alarm clock everywhere, and then the girl screamed "fuck French people!"
Should have know they were on something when he started filling a Togo container with fruit
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
Why would you trust me with ANYTHING!!!???
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
