Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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