happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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