By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
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