I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
