Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Hahaha my philosophy professor just opened class with "I had a shitty weekend and I was at the bar until 815 this morning. So bear with me".
I mean with a sentence like that I knew I would be cumming
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
