I heard we made out
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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