Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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