Im at strip club and am horny
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
