john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
C'mon pople!!! THursday afternoon isnot gonna drinkin itself!!!
There were grown college boys running around north campus in capes with nerf guns. If security were to be called I think they would just give them more beer.
I mean honestly, I love naps like Anthony Weiner loves sending dick pics
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
