Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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