i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I just remembered that I did shots out of a gay mans crotch. And there's someone saved in my phone as "Miranda knows where my car is"
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
I just found a piece of dried shredded carrot on my bed
Randomize
