I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Randomize
