toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
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