I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
My Yahoo Answers account was suspended. Apparently I answered "I like chicks who do anal" to over 100 questions last night.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
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