I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Randomize
