dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
