I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
Everytime I cough, my tampon falls out a little bit. Does this mean I'm loose?
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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