filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
I'm on A4A looking at dick pics while the CEO is on the phone trying to convince me not to leave the company
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
There's even glitter on my cock...
Randomize
