i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
this is going to sound stupid but when I was drunk and thought I was a stripper where I did toss my pants?
You had me at "you have a nicer rack then her"
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
I have the perfect view of a sexy blonde in yoga pants stretching from the shoulder press machine. I'll be here all night. So glad I came high.
Ur here with me in spirit. Now run free. Run free
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Randomize
