I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
Sext me about skeletons
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Randomize
