This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
I've counted 3,503 loops of fabric on my carpet so far. FUCK YOU ACID!!!
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Apparently i disappeared and no one found me until the morning , but i have fifty missed calls
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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