i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
Just got home, my brothers stoned and he got a high score on COD.. He just asked me if I wanted to have a celebrational yogurt with him. Wtf?
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
