is your mom at the bar?
Letd wlk him
Lrtd walek hime
Lets wlk home,,,ther we go
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
