I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
She was standing in the road flagging traffic in a tshirt and boxers. I didn't stop.
All she wanted was a cigarette
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
