I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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