Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
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