If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
Randomize
