Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
pop tarts are not kleenex
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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