i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
