If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
