dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
