Screwed.edu
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
