Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
I will pepper spray him so fast I don't even care
did i just pee glitter
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
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