I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
ex-cheerleader. ex-gymnast. ex-dancer. i dont even know who to go for tonight
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The bartender charged us for drinks. Life is different.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
Randomize
