I faked an abortion last night.
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
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