i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize