I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
Randomize
