finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Its like people have to train for months before they try and drink with us and survive...
Randomize
