wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
