how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
NOBODY TALKS SHIT ABOUT PANDA EXPRESS
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
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