would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
Randomize
