Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
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