Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
can you look at this picture and tell me if you think this my kid?
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
That was a beautiful concert to sleep through ...
I know - Don't let me take drugs from strangers anymore
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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