You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
