i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
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