I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
