Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
THERE ARE SO MANY HOT DADS AT WHOLE FOODS
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Randomize
