i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize