Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
