Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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