and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
im just going to superglue mistletoe to my forehead and see what happens
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
