i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
Randomize
