I just saw a Puerto Rican child between the ages of 8 and 11 with a faint mustache talking very loudly on the bluetooth in his ear about how "Skittles are played the fuck out"
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
