I am drunk raised to the nth degree. The possibility of getting sick is approaching infinity.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
