Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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