My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I took my exam the next day still drunk and failed, but I kno for a fact that I filled in the bubbles for my name perfectly
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Randomize
