Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize