yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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