Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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