Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Randomize
