I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
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