I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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