She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
