is it bad that i think of my life in terms of the sims? like when i'm hitting it off with someone, i really wish a plus sign would appear above my head. and when i throw up from drinking way too much, a minus sign.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Sex in the backyard? Check.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
