Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He tagged himself in all of my pictures so he would get a notification if someone commented on it.
Restraining orders are what college is about.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
Randomize
