This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
After tacos, we're chasing women.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
