what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
This baby is an asshole
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
Randomize
