i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm drunk and you're awesome. let's stay this way forever.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
