I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
