On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
Found out people don't like it when you get drunk at fundraising auctions and bid in foreign currencies.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
