I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I'm just crazy horny about you
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Randomize
