Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
My mind says no, but my body says yes.
What does your body say about chlamydia?
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Randomize
