the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
12 trash cans filled with water. Beer cans floating in each, 12 ft apart. Dodgeball. Ultimate beer pong.
Rules. We have to wear superhero outfits
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
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