i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Houston, we have a squirter
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
