i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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