she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
I think vodka calistinics prior to and during beer olympics was a bad idea
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Randomize
