Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
