you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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