I molested 6 butterflies tonight
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
I need Jameson.
Yea? How do you think I feel? Your job during the delivery is to keep that flask ready. The moment our kid pops out, I'm taking a shot.
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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