Say something about gay babies.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I woke up to his balls in my face, so naturally I limboed under him and headed to the bathroom. When I came out he was asleep on the floor.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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