How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
My mom slipped a condom in my pocket along with a sticky note that said "be safe sweetie."
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
