I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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