I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Who wears a wallet chain?!
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
that is very illegal...i love you.
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