I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
We have a vagina exchange agreement. Neither of us can hook up with any of our own law firm's summer associates. So we have a scout and referral program and invite each other to the other firm's summer events. Criss-cross!! Works every summer.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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