i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
I feel like if he almost got me pregnant once, i can at least say hi in a bar
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
