That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Randomize
