On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You told me to pour the Gatorade on you "like Flashdance"
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
Looking forward to meeting the person naked and passed out at my kitchen table.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
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