His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
Tolerating him while I'm not drunk is like trying to find a word that rhymes with orange
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
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