Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
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